the process of becoming transparent...

And God Said, "No" By Claudia Minden Weisz

I asked God to take away my pride, And God said, "No."

He said it is not for Him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole,

And God said, "No." He said her spirit is whole,

Her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience,

And God said, "No."

He said that patience is a by-product of tribulation,

it isn't granted, it's earned.

I asked God to give me happiness,

And God said, "No."

He said He gives blessings,

Happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain,

And God said, "No."

He said, "Suffering draws you apart from worldly

cares and brings you closer to Me."

I asked God to make my spirit grow,

And God said, "No."

He said I must grow on my own, but He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked God if He loved me,

And God said, "Yes."

He gave me His only Son who died for me,

and I will be in Heaven someday because I believe.

I asked God to help me love others,

as much as He loves me.

And God said,

"Ah, finally you have the idea."

This little conversation between God and Claudia Minden Weisz made me think about the many conversations I have with God. I ask God questions all the time, and it amazes me that he never says "Makaela, Will you ever understand?? Maybe you should give up!"

I get so caught up in asking God the questions that He has already answered for us all. All of the answers were given to us when Jesus died on the cross. The cross is God's way of saying here "I want you to be free, I understand your suffering. I have loved you enough to give you life, by sacrificing my perfect Son" The cross is something I will never fully grasp, it goes beyond human wisdom... I think the Cross is something that can only be understood by spirit. The cross helps me see things that are not as if they already are.

I mess things up a lot. I don't always make the best choices for my life. But I have come to realization that I need to take things up with God daily(24/7). I tend to focus on how I want my relationship to be with God rather than spending my time having an actual relationship with Him. My mind is usually set in the future... rather than the present. That is where I find myself messing up, going against the grain of who I really am.

With that said

We are all a work in progress. And God loves us in our progression, in our mistakes, break downs, and disobedience. Our focus and fixation, what we live for, should be on something that is bigger than us. That is God in us. Letting Him move, live and breath in us.

I can't and don't think I can ever claim that I now live this perfect life with no wrongdoings. I will mess things up to a great measure. But that is why I need God more than ever. I can't rely on my own abilities. I am not enough. God changes me, and by letting Him in, I allow Him to fix, and breakdown the walls that I build. I am in the process of becoming transparent.

I need to understand that God loves me through the progression.He is there with me and has compassion for me. His grace gives me the strength to do what is right. He helps shift my focus off myself and on to Him. Because it's not about me(us). It's about living a life that honors Him in all that we do.

We are little and He is BIG... but He still cares about us more than we can ever imagine.

Thank you Jesus for filling me with things that sustain me. You love me through my mess ups... and thank you for not giving up on me. You never leave me and constantly love me. You are faithful and always provide. Help me to let go unto Your grace.