everything will be alright.

After going through all of my relaxation/breathing techniques, the only cure for my overwhelming anxiety was found in 2 Corinthians 4...

"16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits aret being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

recently

i have recently allowed the most deepest sacred places in my soul to be stirred.

there has not been a moment since that my soul has been at peace in understanding.

i am lost. more alive than ever before really.

the me that i was getting to know//like so well.... is being stretched.

essentially i am allowing God to shape me.

giving and taking away has become a common theme, among others.

hope. it has shown me both sides. anger:at the way things are & courage: to see that they do not remain as they are.

the thief - relient k

"I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
And I understand why you wouldn't want to
I guess it's up to me to find a way to get to you

And I can't see you
Getting used to
Living in the midst of your perfection
And I'm so lost
How can you trust
Somewhere the sun is always shining

And there's just one last thing that I have to say
As we reflect on the mess of all this that I've made
It was cowardice that made me push you away
I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me"

carefree in the care of God

“Don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or if the clothes in your closet are in fashion.

There is far more to your inner life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body.

Look at the ravens, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, carefree in the care of God. And you count far more.

“Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch?

If fussing can’t even do that, why fuss at all?

Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don’t fuss with their appearance—but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?

“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving.

People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.

Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself. luke 12 msg.

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing things of the right reasons.

I am unsure of this season in my life. I am finding myself going against the grain of who I am countless times. Is this me changing? Being stretched? Growing? Making mistakes? I don't make sense to myself most of the time. I want to live simply, loving God and loving people. My desire is just to serve God with my life. But I complicate that more than necessary. I never feel like I am doing enough. My glass is half empty at the moment. I want God to be enough. I want to believe that He loves me right now, in this state of brokenness. I can't help but believe that God wants nothing to do with me. Are we even friends anymore?

I am sorry I worry about things that don't matter. That I spend more time focusing on things I cannot fix. I know I have built up some walls in my life that I need you tear down, and build over. You really do mean more to me than all these things. How can I show you that? Do you believe me? Sorry I got off path and lost focus. I want to get back to me and You. I miss those days where you made me laugh and covered me in peace. I was carefree in the care of You.

light of the world.

Light of the world, You stepped down into darkness

Opened my eyes, let me see

Beauty that made this heart adore you

Hope of a life spent with you

So here I am to worship

here I am to bow down

here I am to say that

You're my God

And You're altogether lovely

altogether worthy

altogether wonderful to me

King of all days, Oh so highly exalted

Glorious in Heaven above

Humbly You came to the earth You created

All for love's sake became poor

And I'll never know how much it cost

to see my sin upon that cross

And I'll never know how much it cost

to see my sin upon that cross

romans 7:15

15 What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.16 So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.17 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!18 I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it.19 I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.20 My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.21 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.22 I truly delight in God’s commands,23 but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.24 I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
The Solution Is Life on God’s Terms

beautiful words

"Slow down. This is such a blur. Tell me what's the hurry now. Have we been running round in circles. Missing all that we could be. You say it's not too late. We are words. On pages that we've left unturned. An ending no one's ever heard. We are a story slowly unfolding. Beautiful words. I could walk across the ocean with you walking next to me. And you could melt away this winter. Now we're starting over. We will see it's not too late. Beautiful words that last when everything else has passed. Even when the stars are gone. I know every single beautiful word that we were will live on."

my adventure bird broke free...

I let to many days go by and sometimes forget who I am. My life is messy, and I have learned to... "do my best and give God the rest" (quote from a 5 year old). I need adventures like this to remind me of ME and the BIG God that I serve. I can't forget those. I go crazy (k not literally) but things stop making sense, and I change my mind, thoughts float in my head, conversations that I wish I would have linger.... and linger.

I think you are lovely..

do you believe you are beautiful? because it's true. you are not only beautiful but have an inestimable amount of worth. you are valued. there is nothing you can do to make God love you less. He created you, adores you and desires you. you are pure in His eyes. you are fragile and to be handled with care. not taken advantage of. you were not made for someone else's pleasure. you were not made to feel alone, unloved, or worthless. those negative thoughts about yourself are false. they should come to a stop. you are better than that. you are gold. a treasure. you cannot be bought at any worldly price. you belong to the highest upmost king. who you are, your identity comes from Jesus. what the world says you are is false. have hope beautiful one. strength will come and you will rise to be all God created you to be. don't give up or give in. give your all to Him. the one who adores you. you are beautiful. do you believe that? because i think you are lovely. know that you are loved.

i wrote this to myself on september 8.

i am reminding myself of this today.

"For this very heart you've shaped for your pleasure"

the process of becoming transparent...

And God Said, "No" By Claudia Minden Weisz

I asked God to take away my pride, And God said, "No."

He said it is not for Him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole,

And God said, "No." He said her spirit is whole,

Her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience,

And God said, "No."

He said that patience is a by-product of tribulation,

it isn't granted, it's earned.

I asked God to give me happiness,

And God said, "No."

He said He gives blessings,

Happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain,

And God said, "No."

He said, "Suffering draws you apart from worldly

cares and brings you closer to Me."

I asked God to make my spirit grow,

And God said, "No."

He said I must grow on my own, but He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked God if He loved me,

And God said, "Yes."

He gave me His only Son who died for me,

and I will be in Heaven someday because I believe.

I asked God to help me love others,

as much as He loves me.

And God said,

"Ah, finally you have the idea."

This little conversation between God and Claudia Minden Weisz made me think about the many conversations I have with God. I ask God questions all the time, and it amazes me that he never says "Makaela, Will you ever understand?? Maybe you should give up!"

I get so caught up in asking God the questions that He has already answered for us all. All of the answers were given to us when Jesus died on the cross. The cross is God's way of saying here "I want you to be free, I understand your suffering. I have loved you enough to give you life, by sacrificing my perfect Son" The cross is something I will never fully grasp, it goes beyond human wisdom... I think the Cross is something that can only be understood by spirit. The cross helps me see things that are not as if they already are.

I mess things up a lot. I don't always make the best choices for my life. But I have come to realization that I need to take things up with God daily(24/7). I tend to focus on how I want my relationship to be with God rather than spending my time having an actual relationship with Him. My mind is usually set in the future... rather than the present. That is where I find myself messing up, going against the grain of who I really am.

With that said

We are all a work in progress. And God loves us in our progression, in our mistakes, break downs, and disobedience. Our focus and fixation, what we live for, should be on something that is bigger than us. That is God in us. Letting Him move, live and breath in us.

I can't and don't think I can ever claim that I now live this perfect life with no wrongdoings. I will mess things up to a great measure. But that is why I need God more than ever. I can't rely on my own abilities. I am not enough. God changes me, and by letting Him in, I allow Him to fix, and breakdown the walls that I build. I am in the process of becoming transparent.

I need to understand that God loves me through the progression.He is there with me and has compassion for me. His grace gives me the strength to do what is right. He helps shift my focus off myself and on to Him. Because it's not about me(us). It's about living a life that honors Him in all that we do.

We are little and He is BIG... but He still cares about us more than we can ever imagine.

Thank you Jesus for filling me with things that sustain me. You love me through my mess ups... and thank you for not giving up on me. You never leave me and constantly love me. You are faithful and always provide. Help me to let go unto Your grace.

love like you love

"pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the lord from a pure heart."

Jesus,

I want to be near to you. feel your touch. hear your voice, your voice of comfort and tenderness. I want to love like you love. I long for a pure heart, for clean hands to serve you. thank you for giving me dreams and desires. You know my heart. I love you Jesus and I want my life to reflect that.

I need patients. Give me hope to make it through the silent times. I will wait for you in Your perfect timing. - thank you

out of reach

We keep talking in circles.

You are so far away, so far from me

or am I just of reach?

I can't find you.

It's starting to break.

dearest...

october:

sunshine. rain. crunching leaves. birthdays. wedding. san francisco. lauren conrad. coffee.... lots of coffee. school. god. dressing up for a symphony. my best friend. lazy days. food. movies. counseling. sunsets. youth group nights. puppies. sounds of sprinklers. flowers. hot cocoa and a fire. mom. truthful book. inspiring conversations. overwhelming laughter. reminiscing of old times with far away friends. little bits of dancing. crazy times singing.... friends, lets not forget the amazing people in my life that keep my world going round and without them, these moments would not have been possible.

thanks

p.s. I will be back at the end of the month to remind you of how awesome you have been :)

joy

adventure

wonder

this tiny little adventurous bird inside of me is dying to break free

lately

inspired by.... pictures, quotes, and art.

Write something down; the lyrics to that song, the people that you love, the one moment today that was worth hanging on to, a conversation you want to remember, something you want to do tommorrow, a list of places you would like to see. Something that is beautiful in the middle of the chaos. Write it down because it is real.

lay in grass. feel the wind. crunch the leaves. climb a tree. ride a bike. plant flowers. be.

because this boy is too cute for words. I can't help but smile and want to put on oversized glasses and a band-aid mustache

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."

“There’s life, and then there’s things even bigger. Things that even in a moment captured can’t be defined.” - Rich Sullivan

we are all broken. we are all made beautifully

Go.

let laughter and joy be your fuel.... to make things

so simple. so true

there are many ways to say that four letter word...