"For this very heart you've shaped for your pleasure"

the process of becoming transparent...

And God Said, "No" By Claudia Minden Weisz

I asked God to take away my pride, And God said, "No."

He said it is not for Him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole,

And God said, "No." He said her spirit is whole,

Her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience,

And God said, "No."

He said that patience is a by-product of tribulation,

it isn't granted, it's earned.

I asked God to give me happiness,

And God said, "No."

He said He gives blessings,

Happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain,

And God said, "No."

He said, "Suffering draws you apart from worldly

cares and brings you closer to Me."

I asked God to make my spirit grow,

And God said, "No."

He said I must grow on my own, but He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked God if He loved me,

And God said, "Yes."

He gave me His only Son who died for me,

and I will be in Heaven someday because I believe.

I asked God to help me love others,

as much as He loves me.

And God said,

"Ah, finally you have the idea."

This little conversation between God and Claudia Minden Weisz made me think about the many conversations I have with God. I ask God questions all the time, and it amazes me that he never says "Makaela, Will you ever understand?? Maybe you should give up!"

I get so caught up in asking God the questions that He has already answered for us all. All of the answers were given to us when Jesus died on the cross. The cross is God's way of saying here "I want you to be free, I understand your suffering. I have loved you enough to give you life, by sacrificing my perfect Son" The cross is something I will never fully grasp, it goes beyond human wisdom... I think the Cross is something that can only be understood by spirit. The cross helps me see things that are not as if they already are.

I mess things up a lot. I don't always make the best choices for my life. But I have come to realization that I need to take things up with God daily(24/7). I tend to focus on how I want my relationship to be with God rather than spending my time having an actual relationship with Him. My mind is usually set in the future... rather than the present. That is where I find myself messing up, going against the grain of who I really am.

With that said

We are all a work in progress. And God loves us in our progression, in our mistakes, break downs, and disobedience. Our focus and fixation, what we live for, should be on something that is bigger than us. That is God in us. Letting Him move, live and breath in us.

I can't and don't think I can ever claim that I now live this perfect life with no wrongdoings. I will mess things up to a great measure. But that is why I need God more than ever. I can't rely on my own abilities. I am not enough. God changes me, and by letting Him in, I allow Him to fix, and breakdown the walls that I build. I am in the process of becoming transparent.

I need to understand that God loves me through the progression.He is there with me and has compassion for me. His grace gives me the strength to do what is right. He helps shift my focus off myself and on to Him. Because it's not about me(us). It's about living a life that honors Him in all that we do.

We are little and He is BIG... but He still cares about us more than we can ever imagine.

Thank you Jesus for filling me with things that sustain me. You love me through my mess ups... and thank you for not giving up on me. You never leave me and constantly love me. You are faithful and always provide. Help me to let go unto Your grace.

love like you love

"pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the lord from a pure heart."

Jesus,

I want to be near to you. feel your touch. hear your voice, your voice of comfort and tenderness. I want to love like you love. I long for a pure heart, for clean hands to serve you. thank you for giving me dreams and desires. You know my heart. I love you Jesus and I want my life to reflect that.

I need patients. Give me hope to make it through the silent times. I will wait for you in Your perfect timing. - thank you

out of reach

We keep talking in circles.

You are so far away, so far from me

or am I just of reach?

I can't find you.

It's starting to break.

dearest...

october:

sunshine. rain. crunching leaves. birthdays. wedding. san francisco. lauren conrad. coffee.... lots of coffee. school. god. dressing up for a symphony. my best friend. lazy days. food. movies. counseling. sunsets. youth group nights. puppies. sounds of sprinklers. flowers. hot cocoa and a fire. mom. truthful book. inspiring conversations. overwhelming laughter. reminiscing of old times with far away friends. little bits of dancing. crazy times singing.... friends, lets not forget the amazing people in my life that keep my world going round and without them, these moments would not have been possible.

thanks

p.s. I will be back at the end of the month to remind you of how awesome you have been :)

joy

adventure

wonder

this tiny little adventurous bird inside of me is dying to break free

lately

inspired by.... pictures, quotes, and art.

Write something down; the lyrics to that song, the people that you love, the one moment today that was worth hanging on to, a conversation you want to remember, something you want to do tommorrow, a list of places you would like to see. Something that is beautiful in the middle of the chaos. Write it down because it is real.

lay in grass. feel the wind. crunch the leaves. climb a tree. ride a bike. plant flowers. be.

because this boy is too cute for words. I can't help but smile and want to put on oversized glasses and a band-aid mustache

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."

“There’s life, and then there’s things even bigger. Things that even in a moment captured can’t be defined.” - Rich Sullivan

we are all broken. we are all made beautifully

Go.

let laughter and joy be your fuel.... to make things

so simple. so true

there are many ways to say that four letter word...

stories

we all have a story. we all have an opportunity to be apart of history... these ones touch my heart

This is Tom. The baby of the family. The warm little centre. Strong and independant, and knowlegeable beyond his years. The cheeky smile that makes you laugh when you’re not supposed to. If he could he would stay up all night dancing.

He has Muscular Dystrophy, every day he gets weaker and more dependant. I can see his frustration and I can feel all the fear, but his joy is overwhelming, full of laughter and hope. We have hope.

“I always knew you in your mothers arms I have called you son

rest in my arms, sleep in my bed, there is a design to what I did and said.”

The joy and fight in this little boy is contagious. His mom is pretty inspiring too, can't imagine the patience and strength.

Sydney got her hair cut. She’s been growing her hair out for about two years so that she could have it cut and then donate it to Pantene Beautiful Lengths, so that it could be used to make a wig and given to cancer patients.

She’s looks so cute with her little bob haircut. The last time it was this short was in 2007. Sydney likes it, but she said she misses her long hair and that the lady at the salon cut too much.

This little girl has no idea the impact she is making on someone life, in her town, in the world. She is precious.

for these moments...

are when i meet jesus

here is me

em*pa*thy

noun;

the ability to understand and share the feelings of another

there are so many things left unsaid. feelings not shared. pain not expressed.

ever since he touched me... inappropriately of course. my ability to share and understand the feelings of others has overwhelmingly become the cries of my heart.

there are days I want to go back to that blonde freckled little girl and relive every touch... every kiss. insane. probability is high. but I felt. everything.

When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. psalm 56:3. I’ll be with you. I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you.making sure you practice everything written in it... Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed. joshua 1. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted,captives will be released and prisoners will be freed, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. isaiah 61 Then your salvation will come like the dawn,and your wounds will quickly heal.your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind. isaiah 58 Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. don't be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.you will no longer remember the shame of your youth.isaiah 54